#4 Temporary Happiness
18/12/2020
There is alot of misconception surrounding mental health. I'm not a expert on all conditions, but I do know that it's not always so easy to see.
I know it's said time and again again, but it is so crucial to understand that just because someone is smiling on the outside, it doesn't mean they aren't hurting in the inside. We all have our own coping mechanisms, whether it be smoking, hobbies or constantly trying to make others smile.
With my condition, it's not uncommon for impulsive spending to be one of the coping mechanisms. And unfortunately, it was one of mine. I guess you could say it still is, but not to the extreme it used to be.
You see, I'm always there for my friends. I'm the kind of person who will ignore my own personal needs for the sake of others. I will do anything for those I care about, even if I completely neglect myself in the process. Sounds good right?
The problem is, if I'm remaining strong for my friends... Whonis being strong for me? Do you see the problem yet?
Material happiness is a vicous cycle, one that I fell into. I put on a brave face, and spend my entire day helping others, living this 'normal' life, smiling, chatting, joking around... But who is that for? Inside, I'm a terrified, shy child who wants to retreat to my comfort zone, except I don't have one, so I find comfort in things. When I am sad, I'll buy something. We all do this though... we buy something to cheer ourselves up... but imagine periods where you're sad for days, sometimes weeks on end. I buy something, and again, and again, and again. It's impulsive though... this means I haven't planned for it... so where's my budget?.. There isn't one.
but when the items arrive, or once I arrive home with the new items, it makes me happy. It deceives me into this false state of fulfillment. I feel whole again, but it's only temporary. The novelty of these new shiny things wears off, so before I know it, I buy something new. Again. And again. And again...
So... I'm overdrawn...
Do you know what? I should get a credit card, just to make sure I can buy food and incase I need money for emergencies. A few weeks later, I am sad again... I convince myself I'm ugly... so I want to buy make up and things that we are lead to believe make us beautiful. But hoe do I pay for this? One spend on my credit card won't make a big difference. So I do it.
I put on my make up. I still don't feel beautiful. I need new clothes, THEN I'll feel complete... One outfit won't be hard to pay off on payday... so I do it.
One maxed credit card later...
I get the news that a loved one has passed away. The funeral is at home... I need to book flights but I've maxed my card. I tell myself that I'll be good this time, so I take out a loan to consolidate my credit card and book flights. It's okay.
My sadness takes over me and before my sanity regains control over my mind, I'm once again using material things to make me feel good again...
I spent 2 and a half years in this cycle and what did I have to show for it? Stuff I don't care about, a maxed out credit card and a loan to pay back...
I am so glad to say, that I was able to eventually take control. Yes, I still shop, I am a human! But I have been able to limit my shopping to necessities, the odd takeaway and a little treats for myself. However, I no longer buy things because I'm sad, I buy things because good behaviours should be rewarded. I have come along way, from what I guess I can finally admit was almost an.... no... if I'm being completely honest with myself, it was, in fact an addiction.
I took control, yes, im still paying back my loan and credit card monthly... but I'm also not going overdrawn each month and I have savings in the bank.
If there is one thing I have learned, it's that we can't happiness in items. And I'm talking about REAL happiness... I'm talking about the happiness you get from hugging those you love, the happiness you get from making memories. The happiness that will always be with you. Not the happiness that breaks, not the happiness you csn throw in the bin. REAL happiness.
So, yes, reward yourself, treat yourself but not at the cost of your mental, physical and financial health. Take it from someone who learnt the hard way.
-V.
I know it's said time and again again, but it is so crucial to understand that just because someone is smiling on the outside, it doesn't mean they aren't hurting in the inside. We all have our own coping mechanisms, whether it be smoking, hobbies or constantly trying to make others smile.
With my condition, it's not uncommon for impulsive spending to be one of the coping mechanisms. And unfortunately, it was one of mine. I guess you could say it still is, but not to the extreme it used to be.
You see, I'm always there for my friends. I'm the kind of person who will ignore my own personal needs for the sake of others. I will do anything for those I care about, even if I completely neglect myself in the process. Sounds good right?
The problem is, if I'm remaining strong for my friends... Whonis being strong for me? Do you see the problem yet?
Material happiness is a vicous cycle, one that I fell into. I put on a brave face, and spend my entire day helping others, living this 'normal' life, smiling, chatting, joking around... But who is that for? Inside, I'm a terrified, shy child who wants to retreat to my comfort zone, except I don't have one, so I find comfort in things. When I am sad, I'll buy something. We all do this though... we buy something to cheer ourselves up... but imagine periods where you're sad for days, sometimes weeks on end. I buy something, and again, and again, and again. It's impulsive though... this means I haven't planned for it... so where's my budget?.. There isn't one.
but when the items arrive, or once I arrive home with the new items, it makes me happy. It deceives me into this false state of fulfillment. I feel whole again, but it's only temporary. The novelty of these new shiny things wears off, so before I know it, I buy something new. Again. And again. And again...
So... I'm overdrawn...
Do you know what? I should get a credit card, just to make sure I can buy food and incase I need money for emergencies. A few weeks later, I am sad again... I convince myself I'm ugly... so I want to buy make up and things that we are lead to believe make us beautiful. But hoe do I pay for this? One spend on my credit card won't make a big difference. So I do it.
I put on my make up. I still don't feel beautiful. I need new clothes, THEN I'll feel complete... One outfit won't be hard to pay off on payday... so I do it.
One maxed credit card later...
I get the news that a loved one has passed away. The funeral is at home... I need to book flights but I've maxed my card. I tell myself that I'll be good this time, so I take out a loan to consolidate my credit card and book flights. It's okay.
My sadness takes over me and before my sanity regains control over my mind, I'm once again using material things to make me feel good again...
I spent 2 and a half years in this cycle and what did I have to show for it? Stuff I don't care about, a maxed out credit card and a loan to pay back...
I am so glad to say, that I was able to eventually take control. Yes, I still shop, I am a human! But I have been able to limit my shopping to necessities, the odd takeaway and a little treats for myself. However, I no longer buy things because I'm sad, I buy things because good behaviours should be rewarded. I have come along way, from what I guess I can finally admit was almost an.... no... if I'm being completely honest with myself, it was, in fact an addiction.
I took control, yes, im still paying back my loan and credit card monthly... but I'm also not going overdrawn each month and I have savings in the bank.
If there is one thing I have learned, it's that we can't happiness in items. And I'm talking about REAL happiness... I'm talking about the happiness you get from hugging those you love, the happiness you get from making memories. The happiness that will always be with you. Not the happiness that breaks, not the happiness you csn throw in the bin. REAL happiness.
So, yes, reward yourself, treat yourself but not at the cost of your mental, physical and financial health. Take it from someone who learnt the hard way.
-V.
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