#5 Relapsing on You

This evening, I saw an old friend streaming online so I thought, I'll join in and say hello! Gotta support old friends y'know.

And then I heard another voice... I recognised the voice, then I stopped breathing and my heart started racing. It was you...

I thought I'd said goodbye to you, and I thought I was doing well but just your voice alone has my knees shaking. How was I to know you'd be here?

You see, you're like my personal drug. I've tasted you before, you took me places I've never experienced but the high doesn't last forever and I had to stop taking you. Whenever I see a photo of you, all of a sudden the withdrawals kick in again. A few months go by and I feel like I'm okay, I don't need you anymore. And then I hear your voice tonight and I'm ready to jump back into the pool of emotional torture because I know, like a drug, I shouldn't have you but unlike a physical drug that I can go and pick up, I can't have you and somehow that makes it even worse.

I'm no stranger to drugs, and you legitimately have the same effect on me but you will never know and you can't know because I find myself in such a vulnerable position when you're involved. I'm addicted to you. Nobody has ever had the affect on me that you do and it terrifies me because deep down, I know I'll never find anyone like you. I'll never find anyone who compares to you. I'll never love anyone the way that I love you but you'll never be more than a passing of excruciating memories of a time we were happy, a time we were all we ever dreamt about and it's killing me.

I'm weak and I'll always find ways to torture myself with you because the only thing worse than not having you would be forgetting you. And that would kill me.